Surprise, surprise - my computer broke (again)! Thats three in less than a year if you're counting. I'd like to say its because I have terrible luck and my life has been in retrograde since 1979, but the reality is, I'm a monster and tend to throw shit around when I'm stressed. Just really chuck shit around and let the glass shards and microprocessors fall where they may. Lest you forget the 1st computer I broke back in the Fall, you know, the one that shattered after I got so excited that my magic infused candle went out and I couldn't wait to dig out the super charged crystals that I launched it off my lap and into the wall? Yeah. So thats how I am normally. This time though, this time it was a much, much lamer situation. This time, I was trying to be a responsible adult and decided to finally install that stupid Apple software update (instead of hitting "remind me tomorrow" for all eternity). And instead of installing an update, I heard a pop and my computer went to black, never to awake again. Which was, obviously, an incredible bummer. Not only is my laptop my lifeline for work, I also lost months and months of my horrible writing. All of the stupid stories I've been working on - the stories about goats who think they're unicorns and brawny mountain men who fuck lonely ladies back to life. Gone. The first chapters of my own story about being here in Vermont. Gone. Maybe its the universe giving me a do-over. Allowing me to maybe not force flaming piles of garbage out into the ether. Or maybe its just terrible luck, Who knows? What I do know is that I had to send my laptop out to Apple (because Vermont doesn't have a fucking Mac store) and spent 4 weeks sans computer. Which was lame as hell. What is there to do with your downtime when you can write The Nanny meets Frasier erotic fanfic? Well, I read. I slept. I should've cleaned. But the main thing I did, because I'm a grade-A freak, was to befriend the chipmunks that live underneath my front porch, like a super lame, less innocent Snow White. I'm Snow White if she went on a bender and she took these chipmunks in with her in a sort of Leaving Los Vegas sitch, but without the sex. I'm not that much of a freak.

Have you seen chipmunks up close and personal? THEY. ARE. ADORABLE. We didn't grow up with Chipmunks in East Texas (that I ever saw, at least). But these suckers are wonderful. Truly. They squeak and skittle, and are in general adorable to be around. Truly. And when I realized I had a little posse of Chipmunks living under my front porch, there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to make these critters my feral children. I needed a project and nothing seemed better than befriending kindly lil rodent and making their wellbeing my number one priority. Because I am nothing if not weird and obsessed with critters. After watching the chipmunks for a few days and leaving them snacks in the morning and afternoon, they started trusting me. They would be waiting for me in before I left for work - waiting for their breakfast. And again in the evening, knowing I understood a chipmunks needs for an afternoon snack attack, so I'd leave a few more treats. After a bit, they stopped darting away if I accidentally made a sudden move. I like to think this is because they realized we're kindred spirits, but I think it also might because I've made them pudgy. Pudgy little critters who can't make a break for it. Which, admittedly aint good if a cat or something went after them. Such is life. But the upside is that after four weeks, I've got some new buddies. Big cheeked, squeaky buddies who keep me company while I sit outside and listen to the birds and tend to my okra patch. And honestly, after a month of watching and interacting with those little scamps, I now understand why Dave enlisted them to be his sons and start a rock band. I still think its weird he made them wear turtleneck dresses - it seems hot as fuck. And I mean, I think the Chipmunks would've been a better Folk Act, but again, thats just my opinion, man. Dave can do whatever he wants. He's the dad to rodent sons and who am I to judge?

So, I finally got my computer back from APPLE the other day- I would recommend folks not install the new software update if at all possible, lest you meet the same fate. But, I suppose all is "normal" again. What will the future hold for me and my feral sons? I'm already worried about the winter and It's only August. Will I need to make them little turtleneck dresses like Alvin Simon and Theodore wore? Do Chipmunks hibernate? Do they don little winter coats and venture out in to the snowy wilderness - all chunked up from my seed treats- and feel snowflakes on their little whiskers while they get into winter adventures? I have no idea. More than likely they'll be too chubby to outrun the fisher cats and I'll find little chipmunk legs and parts strewn across my yard, plunging me into mourning. Only time will tell. But for now, I'm enjoying my reign as the Busted-Ass Snow White of Montpelier.