I couldn't figure out why I've been so grumpy about the weather lately - I don't feel like I've ever suffered from seasonal depression. In fact, gloom and inclement weather tend to give me strength. I'm honestly at my happiest when its chilly, wet and miserable. And for the most part, I've loved having a true winter for the first time. I've braved the elements and hiked in negative temps (admittedly not smart)! I've traipsed across snowy fields to chase after my favorite horses! Y'all, I've really gone all in on this Winter thing. I love it! It's magical! And Vermont in the snow is truly gorgeous. But you wanna know what isn't gorgeous? Vermont as it's thawing out. And over the past few weeks, we've been really thawing. And that means that all the delicate snow has slowly melted, revealing the dead, muddy ground beneath. Sure we had one day where it hit 73. But you know what that did? It just made everything disgusting. Mud bogged. Soggy. Bland. And its so incredibly ugly. It's just a bad look. Brown on brown on brown on brown with patches of sad, dirty snow. I'm fucking over it and ready for Spring. I'm ready for green. Tulips. Crocuses. Daffodils. Baby animals. Easter eggs. The smell of fresh grass...

INSTEAD

My view this morning. What a motherfucker.

We had another fucking Nor'easter come through! While it wasn't as bad as they expected, it's still supposed to leave us with a decent covering on snow. And you know what that means? Even though I hate that brown. I hate those mud bogs. The thaw is the first step in getting to the green. You have to tolerate the ugliness for a bit to get to the lovely. And this snow, while it is gorgeous and magical and all the things that inspire people to write poetry and make hot cocoa, is going to to have to eventually melt. It's a setback on the path to Spring. So we're going to have to go through that gross thaw again. We were *almost* there, man. We had gotten through the worst of it and those fresh blooms felt right around the corner. And thats incredibly frustrating! And if I'm being honest, I think I'm finding this season in my life, in general, to be pretty frustrating. I think I'm going through my own personal "thaw". The ugly part, the gross part, where all the nastiness gets exposed. And you know deep down that seeing your weaknesses and faults and bad patterns is something that has to happen to move forward. You know that. But it still sucks. Because you want Spring in your own life. You want things that are fresh and hopeful and lovely and sweet. And right now, that's just not how its meant to be. I've been trying to get back to LA and that hasn't panned out the way I expected - not that it won't happen, but its not going to happen RIGHT. NOW. So, you wait for the thaw. And you have to reconcile yourself with the brown. And the mud. And the messiness. And eventually, even though it feels like it will never happen, you'll start seeing little sprouts of green pop up. Leaves will appear on the trees. The grass will grow again. The air will smell sweet from all of the fresh blooms. And you forget how much you hated the thaw. Because you'll appreciate the beauty so much.

But until then, I'm gonna go outside and scream hexes to the Weather Gods while shoveling my driveway, like a real classy lady.